I've been a full time single parent to my late sister's children for a year and three months now and it has been quite a journey. We're finally settling into our new lives together and we've managed to mesh well together. Although we still overcome little challenges here and there, I can say I've learned so much about parenting.
I am so grateful to God for giving me just what I asked for in child-rearing: a mother's instinct along with wisdom, knowledge, understanding, divine revelation and prophetic insight. He's been so faithful. When I get stuck or don't know what to do, I pray and I ask others for their input before making decisions. For the most part, with the Lord's help and the input of our village I can say that the children are so well-adjusted considering what they've been through and how the dynamics of their lives have changed.
I wanted to share a few things I've learned over this past year as a parent that has really helped me and the children to make the adjustments and grow as close as we are together. I've already mentioned a couple of them, but here are five parenting tips that I hope will help you in rearing your children...
1. Utilize the power of prayer.
I don't know how I would have made it through this past year without prayer. Through prayer I learned how to deal with grieving children, how to fill in gaps in their lives, how to mesh several blended families into one, how to care for a disabled child (I'm going to write another blog about this), and how to organize our lives and home.
Another thing prayer did was allow the Lord to deliver my nephew, in particular, out of a really dark place. There were plenty of days and nights where I felt and even saw him in pain and he didn't know how to express himself. He went through periods of anger, frustration, rebellion and even making poor decisions. But through prayer, I saw the Lord deliver him.
2. Lean on your village.
The saying is true, "It takes a village to raise a child" and I must say we have the most amazing village ever! Not only do they pray with and for us, but they also step in whenever I need them to help with the children. I even call on them and rely on their advice too. I really don't know how we would have made it this year without them.
3. Loosen the grip.
I went into parenthood determined to protect them from any and everything that would have tried to come against them. As parents, it's our job to protect our children. But for me, it was so bad I even tried to protect them from themselves which didn't leave room from them to find their own way. The tighter my grip was the more they struggled in growing into the children my sister raised them to be. Through prayer the Lord told me one day, "They have their own lives and their own testimonies." And even before I made some decisions the Lord would remind me, "This is a part of their destiny." So I had to lighten up and loosen the strong grip.
4. Realize God has a plan for their lives.
Everything that has happened in their lives is what was supposed to happen, plain and simple be it good, bad or indifferent. It's a part of God's plan for them. My job is to assist God in shaping and building their lives so they will be equipped to make sound decisions day to day and equip them for their future. But overall, God has a specific plan for their lives and all I need to do is trust Him.
5. Allow them to help in the decision-making process.
For us, this started when I would do my meal-planning. I'd ask, "What do you all want to eat?" Or, "What would you all like for be to get from the grocery store?" It went from that to allowing them to make decisions about their lives, "What do you want to do about xyz?" And, "How do you think we should deal with xyz?" Not only did this allow them to have an input and feel just as important as they are, I also noticed how they now process information before they make decisions. - Although this is my approach, another great idea is to give your child choices and allow them to make a decision from the choices you present to them.
Another thing that really helps me in parenting is reminding myself that I'm a steward - a double steward even. They are God's children and my sister's children and I want to make both of them proud by caring for them and raising them properly.
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