My parents divorced when I was two years old and for many years after that my relationship with my father was estranged. I saw him on occasions but didn't have a relationship. I felt he had abandoned me after that divorce and I (being his ONLY child) was not a priority. I felt disconnected from him and started to build resentment towards him over the years. The disconnect was so bad, I called him by his first name and not "daddy."
Truth be told, I developed "daddy issues" piled up on top of all the other issues I had. That resentment eventually grew deeper and I became careless about him or his well-being. I would hear that he was sick or that he had certain things going on in his life and felt no obligation to help him. After all, he left me when he left my mama. So, my allegiance was with her, not him. I didn't feel bad or struggle in my relationship with him at all. It was what it was.
Fast forward from age 2 to 32, I began attending a church which was not far from where my father lived at the time. I literally had to pass where he lived to go to church. And I loved that church so much I would be there for services, events, and training several days a week. One day Holy Spirit said to me, "It's a shame you pass your natural father's house to go to your spiritual father's house without a care in the world." Of course I ignored what Holy Spirit said, and week in and week out I would pass his house. Yet every time there was always that holy nudge to stop.
Well one day I decided, "Okay God, you've been telling me to stop and see my dad. I'm doing to stop, but only for one or two minutes, nothing more." I would time my trip perfectly so I could use the excuse that I needed to leave so I wouldn't be late to church. It was the truth after all. And my father would be so happy to see me. I could see in his eyes he didn't want me to leave, but I kept it moving anyway.
After doing this a few times, Holy Spirit moved on my heart to leave home or work earlier and earlier so I could spend a little more time with him. What started out as 1-2 minutes eventually turned into an hour before church and even a few hours after church. My dad and I began having the best conversations! I learned why he and my mom divorced, and why he didn't come around every day yet some how always showed up at the major events in my life (graduations). I began to understand the entire situation from his perspective. And truthfully, I felt sorry for him. He had his own way of dealing with the divorce. Did he take the best approach overall? No. But he did what he thought was best at the time for all parties involved.
In addition to that, I began to learn a lot about myself and see where I had gotten certain characteristics from. One of the biggest things we shared was our love for the Word of God. He told me a story of when I was a baby how he would have his personal Bible study sessions every day with all of his Bibles, study books and concordances on the table and he would sit me in the middle of everything. What he didn't know is that is the exact way I studied the Bible then (and still do now). He'd share some of his sermons with me and I would share some of my teaching lessons with him.
I felt at that time, my life with men had come full circle (as I was recently divorced at the time). But I now had my Heavenly Father, my earthly father, and my spiritual father in my life blessing me and guiding me. There was a certain healing that took place during that time in my life that I cannot explain except by saying, "A little girl will always need her father" no matter how old she gets. You see, I was a 32-year-old little girl with daddy issues, and until they got resolved I would continue a bad cycle with men in my life. (But that's another story reserved for another time.)
When my father passed away in 2009 he was my daddy! Not that man who divorced my mother and abandoned me. He was my daddy and I proudly called him so. I wanted to share my story this Father's Day in hopes that it would inspire those of you to have "daddy issues" to resolve them. Forgive and be healed. It will not only bless you, it will bless him too. Life is too precious to hold on to issues that are beyond your control.
Daddy's little girl,
Deaquelynn~
P.S. This post inspired me to teach a special class entitled, "Dissolving Daddy Issues." Click here to learn more and register today!
Photo: This is the only digital pic I have of my dad. It's him and my mom together before I was born.
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