When my sister first passed, the children took it extremely hard. They all had their ways of dealing with her sudden death. One can never really prepare for death, so when it happens suddenly you find yourself in a whirlwind. As an adult, I had a tough time coping initially, which helped in making sure the children had all the necessary help they needed to get through such a devastating time in their lives. Here are a few things we did that helped them in the grieving process:
1. Grief counseling. Shortly after my sister's passing, the children began attending grief counseling for children. It helped them cope better with the loss by encouraging them to talk about their feelings whether they were angry, afraid, sad, etc. They used video games, movies, arts & crafts and even sports to help them express what was on their hearts. The counselors were really great and very compassionate.
2. A normal life. After the death of a parent at any age, it's difficult to get back to a normal life. However, for the children it helped to keep their lives as normal as possible. #1 I made a decision to keep them all together and raise them. # 2 We continued to live in the same house they grew up in. # 3 They attended the same schools, doctors, and church. # 4 They had the same friends from school and the neighborhood.
3. Support group of family and friends. Usually when death happens you'll have people who say they will be there for you but never show up after the funeral. It's okay. People will say what they think is the right thing to say, so don't harbor ill feelings if they don't. It was important to me that the children had the same core group of people in their lives. We were blessed that the core group stayed in place and helped in times of need. Words cannot express my gratitude to these people who made the children's lives comfortable during that time. We actually became more than a friends, but a family.
4. Keep memories alive. We talk about their mother all the time. We even have pictures of her throughout the house. We cherish all the great times we had together and laugh heartily at fond memories. Note: I also encouraged them to talk about less pleasurable times and explore their feelings. That way they can deal with them and not suppress how they really feel.
5. Give gentle reminders. I often remind them of how proud their mother is of them and how much she loves them even from heaven. It seems to always brighten up their day knowing that she's still a part of their lives although she's not present.
Photos: Top Right - Erin, Brandon & Brittney; Middle Left - Quanda & Brittney; Bottom Right: Brandon, Quanda & Erin at Rebirth Christian Fellowship's Anniversary Banquet April 8, 2011.
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