It's that time of year again when family gatherings are a must! Although most people enjoy spending time with their families, not everyone looks forward to it for many reasons: they've been hurt by family, they live a different lifestyle than family, they're embarrassed by their family, and no one really gets along... you name it.
As we're approaching Christmas, I thought this would be a great time to share some ways you can deal with family for the holidays and really enjoy the time you have with them.
1. "My family gets on my nerves." Okay, so lay your nerves aside for one day. You know Uncle Joe will crack jokes no one thinks are funny or your mother will want to tell embarrassing stories about everybody, so deal with it. Bite the bullet and determine that this year you won't let their antics get on your nerves.
2. "I don't like bringing my friends around my family." Is it a rule that you have to bring your friends? If it's not, then don't if you feel uncomfortable. But know this, your friend's family are not perfect either. They may have the same issues your family has and it may help that you support one another during the holidays.
3. "I'm saved and my family isn't." I understand that being saved you may not want to be around your family because they may drink, curse, and do things that do not coincide with your new found faith. You can do one of two things: 1) choose not to go, or 2) use this opportunity to be a light in their lives through your words and actions.
4. "But you don't understand, they make fun of me for being saved." Again, you have a choice not to go, but if you choose to be around them put on your tough skin. Don't argue the Bible with them, don't give in to their taunting. Respectfully tell them you're there to enjoy your family and not be subjected to their jokes. Be ready to defend your faith if you have to and also be ready to lead anyone to the LORD. Be sure to armor up! (Ephesians 6:10-18)
Here is some advice I recently gave someone on this matter...
First, if you can't avoid being around them, you'll need to pray and ask Holy Spirit to shield you from their negativity while you continue to let your light shine and live for Christ.
Secondly, keep being who God called you to be and share as led. Always be led by Holy Spirit. I remember for years my sister would mock me for being "holier than thou" and tried her best to make me feel bad about my faith walk. But through time, I saw her grow closer to God and mimic a lot of the ways that she had previously mocked. So, keep being yourself. Sometimes our lives are the only bible people will ever read. They may not hear your words, but they will hear/see your how you live your life.
Thirdly, pray for them. That's all you can do if they won't listen to you. Pray and put them in God's hands and keep loving them despite their own actions. God Himself said, "With lovingkindness have I drawn thee (Jeremiah 31:3)." So, love them anyhow. Even if they are drinking, smoking... or doing whatever.
Also, be careful not to judge them out of self-righteousness. There is a fine line between rightly judging people based on the Word of God, and judging them through self-righteousness. So ask God to help you steer clear of the latter. When you see something wrong in their lives, pray and ask God how you should address it with them or even if you should address it at all. Some things God will allow us to speak to them about while others He will send someone else to speak with them about it.
I guess my best advice to you is to LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE regardless of what they are doing and saying. Paul said it best in 1 Corinthians 11:1, "Follow me as I follow Christ." Keep following Christ!
5. "I couldn't afford expensive gifts this year, so I'm a little embarrassed." Okay, who said you had to buy expensive gifts? Truth be told most people go in massive debt over Christmas just to look like they can afford expensive gifts. It's all for show. Remember the true meaning of Christmas. It's not about the gifts we give or get but about the One True Gift to the world, Jesus Christ and celebrating His birth and life as our LORD and Savior. So, if your gift is the best you can do and it's sincerely from the heart, let that be enough for you.
6. "I've been hurt by someone in my family and I don't want to deal with them." If you don't want to deal with them then don't. But ultimately, you have to forgive them. Set your personal boundaries and keep your distance. I have an audio (below) on forgiving family that I think will help you with this one. In it, I give you tips on how you can forgive your family and move beyond the offense.
7. "I have a difficult time during the holidays now that _______ has passed away." This is the time when you need your family the most. They suffered the same loss as you, that person is no longer in their lives as well. Use the time you have with family to relive pleasant memories and laugh at the good times you've all shared with the person who passed. Remember too, emotions are choice-driven - you can choose to be sad at the death of a loved one or you can choose to celebrate their lives with joy and laughter. Choosing the latter helps overcome the spirit of grief more quicker.
Know this... No one's family is perfect, Family is a mixture of individuals with different beliefs, values, opinions, etc. They are family so we have to make those relationships work to the best of our abilities. If you're unable to make them work, don't stress to the point that it becomes detrimental to your spiritual, emotional, and physical health. Agree to disagree for peace's sake. Grant people space and take your own space as needed.
How I can help you:
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