Inner Work for Couples: How to Support Each Other Through Change

Inner work can make or break a relationship. This is because when you're doing the inner work on yourself you evolve and become a different person. That can be good if you and your partner are working together to become "better" people. However, if you change and your partner doesn't or doesn't want you to change, it can cause a lot of tension or friction in the relationship (not just with your partner but any relationship). Although a lot of people wish their spouse or significant other would "change for the better," the truth is that when they do change the other person might not like the new you. 

Well, what is inner work exactly?

Inner work is the work you do to change your life on a psychological level that causes you to transform and transcend into new levels of consciousness and being - whether self-imposed, with a therapist, a life coach, or any other qualified professional to assist you. It is the work to heal, love, or even find yourself and become who you truly are here to be. It's filled with processes that take a lot of time, effort, and attention dedicated to yourself. However, it doesn't have to be lonely. You can still thrive in a relationship while doing your inner work. What's even better is if you and your significant other are doing the inner work together (apart but together or apart and together). Either way, here are some tips:

1. Realize you both have shadows. 

Shadows are inner issues that we often don't deal with for whatever reasons. One big part of inner work is going within to heal those issues. Some people go into relationships wanting the other person to be perfect, but the truth is we all have something we need to work on. When you understand this as it relates to your partner, you will have more patience and understanding. After all, you have your shadows too. 

2. Don't force each other to change or to do inner work. 

A person must be willing to do the work on themselves first. No demand or ultimatum can make or force them to change. They may try only for a period of time, but unless it's authentically inspired, it won't last. The key here is to do your work and as you do, your partner may decide it's something they also want to do. Nevertheless, don't force it. 

3. Give one another time or space to do your work.

This doesn't mean you should separate while you do your inner work. However, while you're healing you have to give each other space to process through your feelings and whatever difficulties you may be dealing with. The thing about inner work is that it can be very challenging as you move through spaces within yourself that need your attention. So having the room to do so is very helpful. On the flip side, be mindful not to shut your partner out who is willing to be there for you. Create a healthy balance here for a time to process alone and when to include them.

4. Have open communication that's non-judgemental. 

Talk about it. Share about your personal experiences, how you're feeling, and even how you're dealing with it. It's okay. You need to have a good sounding board and so does your partner. Have times when you sit and talk about or talk through what you're feeling. In addition to helping you move through those spaces easily, this also fosters a closer connection. 

5. Listen to understand and innerstand. 

The worst thing you can do when someone is sharing their heart with you is to not actively listen as they share. Being distracted or listening only to respond can turn them off and become a barrier in the future. Listen to understand their perspective and innerstand their emotions. When you do, this helps them to become more trusting and open to sharing more. This is one of the most compassionate acts of love you can do for someone who is working to heal themselves. 

Inner work is not a walk in the park. There are bound to be ups and downs throughout the process. It's important that you're both aware of the processes and you both have empathy and compassion as you work to become more of your True You. 

How I Can Help You:

The life we all currently live is a direct result of our thoughts, words, beliefs, and level of self-love. As a life coach, I've learned over the years that although many people know what to do to change their lives, they often don't do what it takes because they need personal direction, motivation, and accountability. Because of that, I created the Inner Work Coaching Program, a personalized one-on-one program where I walk you through the processes to discover and align with your True Essence so you can live a life you love.

I would be honored to work alongside you helping you do your inner work towards living a life you enjoy in all aspects.  To learn more and sign-up today, click here>>

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